Reflection
by Marzmallow
Summary: Read and Review Bella wonders who she REALLY is. Edward's Bella or Jacob's Bella


Disclaimer: I own nothing

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer does. Heheh… :D  
- This takes place in the middle of Eclipse - **

**Reflection**

**Bella's P.O.V**

As I walked alone in one rainy afternoon, I talked to myself as I was confused of who I truly am. Who AM I? Am I Edward's Bella or Jacob's Bella? I can't decide. I love them both. In the end, one gets hurt and the other; glory. But can I be happy with just one? Can I live without the other?

**Look at me  
You may think you see  
Who I really am  
But you'll never know me  
Every day  
It's as if I play a part  
Now I see  
If I wear a mask  
I can fool the world  
But I cannot fool my heart  
**

No, I can't; I think. Yes? No? I really can't decide. Them, I heard a soft rushing sound. I stopped at my track and turned around. I saw a shiny silver Volvo headed right for me. It stopped in front of me and this god like man came out, smiling. "Bella, what are you doing out here in the rain?" He asked in his usual angel-like voice. "Nothing much really…I just wanted some fresh air" I replied, looking down. "Come on, let's go home before you get sick" he said. I nodded and went inside his car. It was peaceful, yes, but my thoughts were screaming like they were on some kind of rock concert. These words came running through my head again and again: **Choose 1, change many**. Yes, I had to choose; but who? If I can split my heart and weigh Edward and Jacob's side, I would.In my heart, it aches to feel that I have to choose. This isn't any decision. It's between life and death. One decision can change my life, FOREVER.

**  
Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
When will my reflection show  
who I am inside?  
**

We stopped in front of the Cullen Residence. It was quiet, too quiet. Are they all in a hunting trip or something? I giggled as that thought crossed my mind. "What's so funny?" Edward asked me. His curious eyes locked to mine, his cold fingers intertwined with mine. "Nothing" I giggled. He pulled be upstairs and into his wide room. I sat on the coach as he scanned thru his shelf full of music CD's. He picked one and put it in his CD player. It was my favorite, his lullaby. He spun around and gave me a crooked smile. I smiled in response and stood up. He took me by the waist and I hung my arms around his cold neck. My head resting on his marble chest, I closed my eyes and tried to relax. We danced and danced. Then, we heard a beeping sound. I went to the window to see who it was. It was them; my soon-to-become family, the Cullens. Or….if it's what my heart TRULY wants…

**  
I am now  
In a world where I  
Have to hide my heart  
And what I believe in  
But somehow  
I will show the world  
What's inside my heart  
And be loved for who I am  
**

As long as I'm not alone, I have to distract myself from thinking about who I truly am. I have to block that thought for as long as someone else is near me. What can distract me for a long, long time? I looked at my right hand and smiled as the engagement ring Edward gave me sparkled in the light. "Someone else is about to come" Edward murmured with a little hiss. From his expression, I could tell it was Jacob. "It's okay. He doesn't have to come near. I'll walk towards the end. That way, you don't have to see him" I grinned "And besides, I want some alone time" I forced a smile as I quickly remembered my identity issue.

He escorted my out of the house. Each time I would try to let go he would say "Are you sure you wanna do this? You can stay if you like" I would always smile and again, I would try to get out of his grip. This pattern repeated several times until he stopped and said "He's coming closer" he hissed. "See, I told you. Now let go before he REALLY comes and you two fight. Now, I don't want any blood around. You know what happens to me" I said with sarcasm. His eyes narrowed as I started to walk down the road. "I'll be fine! Promise!" I shouted back at him. I continued walking but I can see from the corner of my eye that he's still watching every move I make. This made me uncomfortable and I almost tripped.

**  
Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
Why is my reflection  
Someone I don't know?  
Must I pretend that I'm  
Someone else for all time?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?  
**

It's so annoying how both of them think of very weird things just so I won't leave and go to the other; like for example, I was about to leave Edwards for Jacob's house because he invited me for a little picnic with Billy and the others. Then he suddenly said "No! I mean…stay. Let's play chess….please" He was doing his 'dazzling' thing again. I couldn't say no, of course. Who could say no to a perfect vampire trying to 'dazzle' you? So…I played. He let me win on purpose so I would stay a while longer but I insisted that I should go. He drove me by the boundary, where on the other side, Jacob stood. "You're late!" He said. "Sorry…I got a little distracted" I said glaring at Edward. I kissed him goodbye and went with Jacob. Every after 5 minutes or so, he would call to check up if I'm still ok. I got really annoyed and switched off my phone. After the picnic, I was surprised to see him an hour early. Jacob and I were supposed to hang out in my place for an hour doing nothing but chatting and eating. He stood there by the hood of his car staring at me. His expression changed when he saw I was with Jacob. I hugged him goodbye, and again, I crossed the boundary line and went with Edward. He gave Jacob a last glare before entering his car. All thru out the trip he kept nagging on why I switched my phone off, am I hurt, did he hurt me, blah blah blah….

**There's a heart that must be  
Free to fly  
That burns with a need to know  
The reason why  
**

Everything in my life has split in half; my time, my thoughts and even my heart. Yes, I have two hearts. But the problem is, only one beats. The other is dead, cold, and lifeless. I have to choose sooner or later. When the decision has been made, my other self would die. Never to be seen ever again. The other half would either regret what it has done or be happy for the rest of my life. In both options, there is happiness and sadness; problems, conflict, solutions and even happy endings. But the difference is that one choice is greater than the other. Which choice is that? Of course I want to be happy. But which one leads to heaven and which leads to hell? I've got NO clue at all.

I never thought of myself as someone I can NEVER be, someone as perfect as Edward or someone as sweet as Jacob. I'm just Isabella Swan. Forever will be, or at least when I marry them.

**  
Why must we all conceal  
What we think, how we feel?  
Must there be a secret me  
I'm forced to hide?  
I won't pretend that I'm  
Someone else for all time  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?**

Sometimes, I think I rush things. Nothing ever happens in my life and that's why I rush things. Having to live as two Edward's Bella and Jacob's Bella isn't much of an issue. I can think more of that later in my life. I just have to keep on trying to weigh which heart has more love than the other. But now, I realize that _that_ I don't have to be someone's Bella. I just have to be ME!

To keep it simple, live my life as if I was one. Like no one was there to cut my life in two. No one to share my heart with only one. So, now I can tell myself that yes, I can Bella 1 and Bella 2. But still, in the end I have to choose which Bella. But for now, I am Isabella Swan daughter of chief Swan. I love Edward Cullen and Jacob Black. I am nothing more than a simple girl who is in love with a vampire AND a werewolf…..

This sucks…I know. I totally lost my draft that was stored in one of my school folders! I remembered the middle parts but the ending had zero memory. So….it sucks! XD


End file.
